Dale Carnegie and Adam Sandler, not such a good match

I’m thinking of getting an intervention for my Cozumel roadrage. I understand that some of you may live in large cities with bumper-to-bumper traffic that lasts for hours. Frankly, you couldn’t pay me to live there, I’m happy with my country mouse island deal. What I’m referring to are my frequent outbursts while in a car that make me sound as if I’m doing an Adam Sandler impersonation.

Take today for example, I’m driving and paying attention (key words here, people) when out of no where this heavy-set woman on an overburdened scooter, who does not have the right of way, nor is she paying attention, zips out in front of me, only to drive in the middle of the road. She actually had the audacity to pull the ostrich-thing (if I’m not looking at you, you can’t see me deal).

“Nice driving there, Porky McBackfat!” I holler.

I’m a reasonably intelligent person. My parents paid for me to attend a four year institution of higher learning, however, in this particular issue, I am simply a moron. First of all, Porky McBackfat, probably has no idea what I’m saying, in English, inside the car. Secondly, I’m alone.
See, I live in a town that only recently removed the “whoever gets here first has the right of way” stop signs at the end of my “hill,” however that’s still how the traffic flows, in spite of repeated accidents.

I live somewhere where the turn signal is a completely optional courtesy. (in fact, the fab-man’s VW thing employs a toggle switch to activate the turn signal)
.
Today I was in the “right hand turn on red lane” when Sleepy the dwarf, blocked the lane with his giant SUV, while texting on his cell phone.

I’m not one of those people who thinks they can single-handedly change the driving habits of an entire island. I understand that it is, and always has been, my issue.

What bothers me is that recently things have escalated to the point where I now have the compulsion to say the same snarky things while a passenger. Which, if you can image, is not exactly in the Dale Carnegie handbook.

So I’m thinking, muzzle, duct tape or blindfold. Any ideas?

Septi-hambre comes full circle

We’re rapidly approaching Septi-hambre here on the rock. For the uninitiated, it’s a combination of the word Septiembre (September) and hambre (hungry) Which basically means that none of us have any work and all tighten a notch or two on our belts.

Septihambre comes every single year with alarming regularity. Now, I’m no math whiz, but after 12 years here, I can pretty much predict it arriving, right at the end of August. Frankly, it’s all I can do to keep my big fat yap shut when people exclaim how broke they are this time of year and what a surprise it is.

I was sitting in this temezcal (mayan sweat lodge thingy) and we were tying knots on this string about all of our worries, doubts, fears, etc. last week, when I had an epiphany of monumental proportions.

We’re talking Blue Brothers, “The band!” level of brainstorm. Septihambre for me is going to be a totally planned event of rest, exercise and care.

The husband and I are going to take the dogs to the beach in the early afternoons, when he gets home from work early. I won’t be missing yoga due to work constraints. I’m actually seriously considering playing squash a few times a week. I’ll have more time to create fantastic culinary delights using farm fresh ingredients! I’ll blog more, I’ll read books!

And thusly, we’ve just come full circle, no? I mean isn’t that why people move to tropical Caribbean islands…..to slow down and enjoy life a little more?

Looks like someone just missed the entire concept there,captain obvious

Yesterday I was read on the internet a post that someone had written about how they couldn’t possibly come to Cozumel because we don’t flush the toilet paper, and that they thought that was really icky and prolly smelled kinda gross, eww!

I had to laugh out loud. First of all Cozumel is an island and we don’t have any water pressure at all to speak of. Second of all, have you ever been anywhere, restaurant, hotel, public place, that didn’t clean their restrooms at least once a day? that remained in business?

Seriously, what exactly is this person envisioning?? Calcutta? I’m thinking they might have missed the whole Caribbean island kinda vibe. That’s ok, more boat drinks for the rest of us!!

It's a small world after all....

Words are different here in Mexico, and maybe it’s my synapse-deficient brain, but sometimes I get confused when switching back and forth, especially if I’m translating something right away. The other day, I spent way too much time trying to think of the English word for “lima” (nail file).

I’m not bi-lingual, since I actually took Latin as a foreign language in school (only benefit: I’m pretty good at crossword puzzles). I can follow and understand a movie in Spanish, and, unfortunately I do understand my Mother In Law, way, way too well. I have a pretty good vocabulary and aside from my strange New England pronunciation most people, with a little patience, can understand me quite well.

Since I subscribe to the “living it and learning it school of Spanish” I oftentimes encounter words that are really weird and confuse me. For example, the other day in my yoga class, we were supposed to do small circles with our “munecas”. Now, I knew that “muneca” meant doll, and in all the years I’ve been doing yoga I’ve never brought a doll to class, so I watched surreptitiously as everyone else spun their wrists around.

So I get home, and I ask the Fabster, “You have the same word for doll and wrist? That’s weird.”
“Yeah, almost as weird as having the same word for the lower back of your leg and a baby cow,” he replied.

There’s also words in Spanish, that simply don’t exist in English. For example, Tocayo (or Tocaya if you’re a female) which means “person with the same name as me.” Think about it, the best we English speakers can do in this situation is high five each other and say “Same name guy!!.”

Another great example is “Provecho” which means “Enjoy your food.’ The best we can do with that sentiment is ‘Bon Appétit, which is, in fact, French, and defeats the entire purpose.

Last week, in the Cozumel 4 You Newsletter, I featured this really cute one-eyed terrier up for adoption. (He’s cute, and still up for grabs, if you’re interested) and when the wonderful Rodrigo Rodriguez translated as “tuerto” so, essentially again, there exists in Spanish one word for a whole concept we don’t have.

Further investigation, again, via the Fab-man, reveals that there also exists “cojo” (one-leg guy) and “manco’ (the proverbial one armed man)

These little differences fascinate me. For example, here they play “Crazy 7s” and not “Crazy 8s” Turkeys do not say “gobble, gobble” but rather “gordo,gordo” (fat, fat!)
However, my all time favorite is the noise that roosters make. In English, there’s the “cock-a-doodle-do” of Farmer Brown fame. Here barnyard fowl say “Ki-ki-Ri-Ki”

Try it sometime, it makes for good cocktail party conversations!!