Wednesday, 26 August 2009

Dale Carnegie and Adam Sandler, not such a good match

I’m thinking of getting an intervention for my Cozumel roadrage. I understand that some of you may live in large cities with bumper-to-bumper traffic that lasts for hours. Frankly, you couldn’t pay me to live there, I’m happy with my country mouse island deal. What I’m referring to are my frequent outbursts while in a car that make me sound as if I’m doing an Adam Sandler impersonation.

Take today for example, I’m driving and paying attention (key words here, people) when out of no where this heavy-set woman on an overburdened scooter, who does not have the right of way, nor is she paying attention, zips out in front of me, only to drive in the middle of the road. She actually had the audacity to pull the ostrich-thing (if I’m not looking at you, you can’t see me deal).

“Nice driving there, Porky McBackfat!” I holler.

I’m a reasonably intelligent person. My parents paid for me to attend a four year institution of higher learning, however, in this particular issue, I am simply a moron. First of all, Porky McBackfat, probably has no idea what I’m saying, in English, inside the car. Secondly, I’m alone.
See, I live in a town that only recently removed the “whoever gets here first has the right of way” stop signs at the end of my “hill,” however that’s still how the traffic flows, in spite of repeated accidents.

I live somewhere where the turn signal is a completely optional courtesy. (in fact, the fab-man’s VW thing employs a toggle switch to activate the turn signal)
Today I was in the “right hand turn on red lane” when Sleepy the dwarf, blocked the lane with his giant SUV, while texting on his cell phone.

I’m not one of those people who thinks they can single-handedly change the driving habits of an entire island. I understand that it is, and always has been, my issue.

What bothers me is that recently things have escalated to the point where I now have the compulsion to say the same snarky things while a passenger. Which, if you can image, is not exactly in the Dale Carnegie handbook.

So I’m thinking, muzzle, duct tape or blindfold. Any ideas?


SkylersDad said...

Some people need to be hit between the eyes with a club.

Anonymous said...

Actually, your parents only helped you, yourself, pay to attend a four year institution of higher learning.


Kori said...

Hm, my only real reaction to this post was to file away "Porky McBackfat" for my own future use! :)

Ms. Moon said...

Hmmmm. First- let me say- I miss Cozumel!
Secondly- uh? Breathe? I doubt you're going to change things. The traffic in Cozumel is a bit strange.

cozzie laura said...

I'm looking forward to a septi-hambre slower pace of life, that hopefully will allow me time to put my filter back on.

DOD thought I lost you back there after the super snarky post, glad you're back!

Kori and Ms. Moon, well, I just enjoy you both so!

Skyler's dad - I'm researching how to say throat punch in spanish for you, because I'm nice like that!

Lisa..... said...

I say keep yelling. It's keeping us entertained.

CageQueen said...

While I love the Caribbean, I must admit that whenever I am there i get carsick. Once, in Dominica, I honestly thought I was going to die so I leaned over and turned to my husband and BIL and told them both I loved them. Random, right? Whilst in Cozumel, we had the "luxury" of riding on a large bus so despite the fact that we were there a mere year after a major hurricane, the trip was more tolerable.

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