Thursday, 11 June 2009

I'm going to be on TV - meh

This is from my recent Cozumel 4 You newsletter:

Cozumel 4 You is going multi-media! Starting on Thursday June 25, Cozumel 4 You, hosted by Laura Wilkinson, will present a weekly, hour long, magazine style show, along with Canal 5! We’ve been collecting your comments and suggestions off of the chatboard and your emails, so we’ve got some great ideas! Canal 5 can be found on Channel 25 for those of you with Cable Mas, here on the island, and we’ll have a video link, on the chatboard for those of you who don’t have access.

Before you start patting me on the back (which is very nice, btw, keep it up!) and bask in my glory, keep in mind that I'm really, really freaked out about the whole thing.

First of all, I hate having my picture taken. Totally 100% loathing, white hot intensity of a thousand suns. Allow me to illustrate:

This is a photo of myself and two other (normal) women. See how they're relaxed and smiling in an attractive fashion? They're pleased to have their photo taken (maybe posted on my blog here, not so much, but..)

Look at me. My shoulders are hiked up to my ears, I'm slouched over, creating a tent'like effect from the dress (I'm not THAT fat) and then there's the totally awkward, "I have to go to the bathroom" kinda stance thing going on.

I know you're thinking, "wow, what an unfortuate photo of my dear friend Laura." However, let me assure you. This is one of the better ones.

Friends and family have hundreds of photos of me with the same hiked shoulders and uncomfortable smile, throughout the years. I remember one particularily bad school photo (4 grade maybe) in which I am rocking the same pained expression in a Winne the Poo dress. That photo actually made relatives laugh out loud.

Photo Phobia runs in my family. My cousin is one of my dearest friends in the world. My husband used to wonder why I have not a single photo of her in the house, until she came to visit. Fab-man just doesn't get photo phobia and just started snapping away, my shoulders went up, and Cousin took on her "thousand yard stare" look. Seriously, she could intimidate the bartender in a biker bar with her photo-face, and that's if you're brave enough to take the photo!

Another reason why I'm freaked out about being on TV is my potty mouth. Those of you who know me, and continue to speak to me, know that I drop the F-bomb as an adjective. I enjoy expanding my vocabulary with words like "f*ck-tard" and things like "put your big girl panties on and get over it," drop out of my mouth with alarming frequency.

They originally wanted to do the show LIVE, however, I think I've convinced them otherwise. In short, to sum it all up, this is going to be a whole lot of 'company-behavior" mixed with a never ending photo.

In all seriousness, it's a super opportunity. Cozumel never has had a televised news in english program, and I'm super flattered to be in on the first one. What an asset to the community.

I'm really looking forward to it, since that which does not kill me makes me stronger. I've been watching Dr. Phil and Rachel Ray, to study their facial expressions and postures, and I'm working on my company behavior. This weekend I plan on spending alot of time around children.


William Lawson said...

You have to make love to the camera Laura. Or so they tell me when I bitch and moan about how I turned out in a photo, making the next one that much more stressful...

Have a great Friday! And congratulations (pat on back) on your new medium. Media? That. Maybe you can do the 5 second delay transmission thing where they can bleep you if you utter some unmentionable?

cozzie laura said...

just like on Saturday Night Live!!

Dirty Pirate Hooker said...

I take horrible photos too. You gotta take like 14,236 (yes, that exact amount) to practice different angles and facial expressions. When you've found it, you memorize it and you go with it. Sometimes you get lucky with 2 different faces and angles, but keep your one go-to shot!

cozzie laura said...

I just spent 30 minutes making random faces in the mirror, ranging from happy, open mouthed smile to smug, semi-smile. I've come to the conclusion that I have no "go-to" shot, however, I have managed to unpin my shoulders from my ears! baby steps

dolci228 said...

I'm quite sure that I have pictures of you drinking with us! Perhaps even out of Zooom's snorkel? Oh, but then again, maybe that isn't what you need!

Love ya sweetie.

Effete said...

Hey there new follower. (you are a member of a select few, ie: you and DPH) Just wanted to say hi. And i feel your pain on the picture front. I don't photograph well at all. I always look either tremendously fat or in some way handicapped.